some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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