im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
