dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
