Do you still have your period?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You are a genius and a whore.
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