Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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