My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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