I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
