the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
