This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
