he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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