My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
