He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
