I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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