And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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