So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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