By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
