he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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