can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
