i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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