The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
