just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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