The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize