I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
