Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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