Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
