OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
