K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
