i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
