My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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