yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
