Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
