just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
True college students do jello shots in the library
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
