I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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