This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
