Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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