Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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