well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
