i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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