Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
