Whatcha textin bout Willis?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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