You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
