I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize