So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
