and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
