honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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