My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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