I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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