Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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