Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
