And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
