that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
