The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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