Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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