you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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