well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
