just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize