It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
