Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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