OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
