please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
