The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
