11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
