i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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