I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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