I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize