As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
