At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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